How to learn to refuse the child the right way – learn to say "no"

For the second time you are standing near the ticket office in the store and, stewing under the sights of other buyers, quietly explain to the child that you can not buy another sweet or a toy. Because it is expensive, because there is nowhere to put it, because they forgot the money at home, etc. Each mother has her own list of excuses for this case. True, none of them works. Karapuz still looks at you with wide, innocent eyes and imploringly folds his hands - "Well, buy, Mom!". What to do? How correctly to refuse the child? How to learn to say "no" so that the child understands?

Why children don't understand the word "no" – understand the reasons

Learn to say "no" to children is a science. Because it is important not only "to cut" and to keep his word, but to convey to the baby – why not. To convey so that he understood and to have accepted my mother's refusal without offense. But not always it turns out. Why the child does not want to understand the word "no"?

  • The child is too young and doesn't understand why that's beautiful and brilliant "harmful" or mom "can't afford".
  • The child is spoiled. It is not taught that money, your parents work, not all the desires tend to be fulfilled.
  • The child works to the public. If you shout near the cash register loudly and insistently, "you really don't love me!", "you want me to starve?" or "you never buy!", the mother turn red and burning with shame, will have to give up.
  • The child knows that mom is a softie. And she said "no" after the second or third attempt to turn into "okay, okay, just stop whining."

In short, if the child is already at a more or less conscious age, then his stubborn ignoring of the word "no" is a lack of education in various variations.

How to learn to refuse to the child how to say "no" – manual for parents

Tiny tot, certainly not able to compare their purchasing appetite with parental opportunities, dangers and potential health risks. So with kids from 2-3 years to a much simpler – just do not take them with you to the store or to bring a pre-purchased toy (sweetness) to distract the child until you fill your grocery cart. And what about older kids?

  • Talk with your child. Constantly explain to him the damage and benefits of an action, product, etc. Preferably in the examples, the pictures on the "fingers".
  • You can't just say "no" or "no". The child needs motivation. If not, your "no" will not work. The phrase "do not touch iron" would be appropriate, if you explain that you can be severely burned. The phrase "you can't eat as much sweet" makes sense, if you show/tell the child what happens from excess of sweets. Show pictures about caries and other diseases of the teeth, place the proper instructive cartoons.
  • Learn to switch attention of the child. After a little growing up, he will understand that it is impossible that this machine, because it is half of dad's paycheck. What is not here is this sweet, because today was already four, and to the dentist again do not want to go. Etc. But for now just shift his attention. Ways of the sea. You barely noticed the look the kid falls into the chocolate (toy), and ajar mouth already pulled out "want!" start talking about the zoo, in which you soon must go. Or what a fantastic cow you now together will sculpt. Or ask – what is so super delicious you together with the child will be prepare for dad's arrival. Include fantasy. To switch the child's attention at such a tender age – much easier than to say "no".
  • If you said no, categorically impossible to say "Yes". The child must learn that your "no" is not discussed, and try to persuade you not work under any circumstances.

  • Never buy the child sweets/toys that he has ceased to act up. Stop the vagaries of parental attention, the correct explanation, switching attention, etc. to pay Off the toy means to teach the child that whims it is possible to obtain all that you want.
  • Don't buy toys and sweets the love of your child. Find time, even if a work is not come, and crawling from exhaustion. Chad compensate for the lack of attention with gifts, you look like the source material amenities, but not a loving parent. So the child and you will be perceived.
  • Speaking firm and decisive "no", don't be aggressive. The baby should not feel your refusal as a desire to hurt him. He needs to feel that you protect him and love, but the solutions do not change.
  • Teach your child from the cradle, not the material value is of paramount importance, and human. Raising, project thoughts and deeds not to make the crumbs one day become rich but to become happy, kind, honest and fair. And the rest will follow.
  • Batch material "good" for the child. No need to fill it with toys/sweets and allow anything you want little angel. The child is well behaved all week, cleaned the room and helped you? Buy him what he had asked for (within reasonable amount). The child should know that just because the sky did not fall. If you are on a tight family budget does not need to shatter to pieces and to work in three shifts to buy the kid an expensive toy. Especially if funds are needed on more important goals. The child at this age cannot appreciate your sacrifices, and your efforts will be perceived as self-evident. Eventually "history repeats itself" I am yours... forever... and you, ungrateful, etc...
  • Encourage the child to independence. Give him the opportunity to earn money for a toy – make her feel adult. Just do not try to pay for something that he removed the toy, washed or brought the top five – all he needs to do from other motives. The child who gets used to "make money" at a young age, will never sit on your neck during adolescence and beyond. It will be natural to work and provide for their needs themselves, how to brush teeth and wash hands after street.
  • The more often I heard the word "no" ("no"), the faster the child gets used to it, and the less it reacts. Try to keep "no" sounded ten times a day, otherwise it loses its meaning. "No" should stop and puzzle. Therefore, reduce restrictions, and prevent risks of collision Chad, with possible temptations.
  • Limiting a child's "unnecessary" toys, "harmful" sweets and other things, be humane towards him. If the child is not a regular chocolate bar, you don't need it to eat sweets with cakes. Limit child limit and of itself.

  • Explaining to the kid his "can not" make allowances for his age. Enough to say "hands in mouth not because they're dirty." Need to show him what terrible germs into the tummy with unwashed hands.
  • If you tell the child "no", then dad (grandma, grandpa...) don't have to say "Yes". Your family "no" should be the same.
  • Looking for an opportunity to avoid the word "no", replacing it with "Yes". That is, look for a compromise. The kid wants to paint in your expensive album? Don't yell and forbid them not, just take his hand and lead the store – let them choose for themselves a beautiful "adult" album. Requires chocolate, and he can't? Let them choose themselves instead some delicious and healthy fruit. Of which, by the way, you can work together at home to make juice.

If the kid understands you and adequately reacts to the prohibitions, be sure to encourage (with words) and praise him - "what a good boy you are, you understand everything, very grown-up", etc. If the child sees that you are happy, he will seek the opportunity to please you again and again.

How to teach a child to say "no" - teach children to deny important art correctly

How to refuse to the child that we discussed above. But the task of parents not only to learn to say "no", but also to teach this child. After all, he has to face situations where this science can be useful. How to teach a baby to say "no"?

  • If the baby you are something fails, don't deny him the right to his refusal. He also might tell you "no".
  • Teach your child to distinguish between cases when it is used for personal gain from situations where people really need help, or need to do as I ask. If the teacher asks you to go to the Board – "no" would be inappropriate. If someone asks a child a pen (your forgot at home) – you need to rescue a comrade. But if someone regularly begins to ask that a pen, pencil, lunch money, a toy for a couple of days – it is consumerism that you want culturally, but it is safe to stop. That is, teach the kid to distinguish the important from the unimportant.
  • Learn to weigh the "pros" and "cons". What (good and bad) could be the act of the child, if he agrees on someone else's request.
  • Teach your child to laugh it off, if he does not know and is afraid to refuse directly. If you deny the fear in the eyes can thus cause contempt and ridicule of his comrades, and in case of failure with humor the child is always the king of the situation.
  • Any response the child will look credible if the kid hides his eyes and holds. Body language is a very important component. Show your child exactly how to behave and gesticulate confident people.

Little tricks to help older kids.

How can I say no if the child does not want to do this directly:

  • Oh, I can not on Friday - we were invited to visit.
  • I would gladly give you a prefix for the evening, but I already lent it to a friend.
  • I just can't. Don't even ask (with mysteriously-sad).
  • Do not even ask. I would be happy, but my parents will put me under lock and key and boycott the family. I had enough at that time.
  • Wow! And I just wanted to ask you the same thing!

Of course, to speak directly is more honest and useful. But sometimes it is better to apply one of the excuses described above, so as not to offend the comrade by his refusal. And remember, parents that healthy selfishness has not harmed anyone (it's healthy!) - you also need to think about yourself. If a child frankly "sat down on his neck," he will not be callous if he says "no". After all, help should be extremely selfless. And if a friend once helped him, it does not mean that now he has the right to dispose of the forces and time of your child as his own.

When the little one was very small, I also always distracted her. Like, oh, look, what a gorgeous dog, or oh, what a hill, well, let's run. It helped. And then it became difficult. Now my daughter is 7 years old, and she always takes the word "no" with hostility. Compromise sometimes helps, but rarely. The only option is to avoid all "temptations". In the store once again with her do not take. I take walks to places where temptations are minimal. Antenna from TV yanked, left only flash drives with cartoons to the child this advertising does not callous eyes. And then he will see through the children's channel the next doll, and let's snitch. And he will not rest until he gets it.

Constantly everyone can not show my son on the monitor. The consequences of sucking dirty fingers, the consequences of eating chips, etc. The son is horrified and no longer licks his hands and does not eat chips. Acts!))