How to survive the death of a loved one
We all know that man is mortal. But still, the death of loved ones is always a shock, even if it was not unexpected. To recover from such a loss is very difficult. How to survive the death of a loved one?
When a loved one dies, it seems that life will never be happiness, their future seems bleak. And since in modern world it is accepted "be strong," their sorrow people often keep to themselves, trying not to cry in public. But this only aggravates the situation. To survive the death of a loved one without serious emotional trauma, no need to artificially restrain yourself beyond measure .
Grief after the loss of a loved one is divided into several clearly defined stages.To survive the death of a loved one, you need to go through all these stages. only so you can learn to manage your grief and keep mental health. If a person permanently "gets stuck" in one of the stages, this is a sign that something is wrong, and he should seek professional help.
The first stage (from several hours to two weeks) is numbness and shock. A person can not yet believe in loss. The reaction can be different: a person can fall into a stupor, as if to become numb, or to set up a stormy activity, organizing a funeral and supporting the others. This does not mean that in the second case it is easier to experience death, he just did not realize it.
During this period it is important not to restrain themselves. Do not hold back tears, try to rush the funeral process - let everything go its course. If you have the urge to go after the deceased, try not to remain alone, ask someone to stay with you. If you can not calm the cry, you can drink a soothing tincture.
After the funeral, a period of denial, which lasts about forty days. Intellectually, we understand his loss, but our subconscious mind refuses to accept it. At this time people can hear the steps of the deceased, to see him among the passers-by is normal. Well, if during this period the deceased at least sometimes dream. The absence of dreams of the dead, on the contrary, may be a sign of problems with the experience of grief. During this period, you can and should talk about the dead. Tears are good too, if you don't cry all day long.
Lasts up to six months the period of adoption loss and stay pain. At this time, the pain rolls wavy, then letting go, then intensifying. This is because we are trying to survive the death of a loved one and to cope with our grief, but it turns out with varying success.
In the middle of this period, about three months after the death, sometimes there is a "failure" caused by exhaustion, severe exacerbation of pain. At this stage may appear unpleasant feelings, but constructive :
- feeling guilty (guilt for the fact that a loved one has died, but you have stayed and you can not change anything);
- the feeling of aggression towards the deceased (are you angry because he dumped you)
- feeling of aggression towards others (searching for the guilty, "transferring arrows" to doctors, the state, even to God).
All these feelings are normal, if they don't last long! If they last a short time, they help survive the death of a loved one, but if they are delayed - you have a problem. Usually at this time the tears are already less, the deceased can continue to dream, but in a different way: in your dream you realize that he is dead and is not in this world.
Then the pain eases, and by the end of the first year after death, life is slowly getting back to normal. By this time people are usually fully accepts the fact that the person died acquires new acquaintances. The deceased is remembered as alive and not as dead, the memories of these pleasant. During this period, it seems that you could be able to cope with their grief.
But the first anniversary of the death usually occurs a new burst of grief. Since a person knows how to manage it, he is no longer so strong. During this year, it is possible to go through all the stages anew, only in a softer, "erased" version. Normally by the end of the second year you have to fully accept the loss of a loved one. This does not mean that you will forget it - you simply learn to live without it and will remember it lightly.
Therefore, you should not try to suppress their grief. Recover from the death of a loved one is not easy, but the best healer is time. Just let life go on and find people who will be ready to support you.