Addicted to love
If not all then the majority of people in this world want to love and be loved. But how to understand whether you are experiencing strong feelings of true love? Often what we take for love, actually — love. Or worse — addicted to love.
Though the song says that "love is not everything easily and smoothly", true love should cause predominantly positive emotions. If feelings for a person cause discomfort and even pain, resembling a disease, then, most likely, this is not love, but love dependence.
Love addiction is a kind of psychological dependence (addiction). From strong feelings towards the person you can depend on in exactly the same way as alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, Internet, gambling. The dependency object may be different, but the mechanism remains the same .
Thoughts of a person suffering from love addiction is constantly focused on the object of his "love" (Yes, in quotes, after all, addicted to love, actually love is not). Dependency relationships determine almost the entire life of the dependent person: his emotional and physical state, relationships with others and performance. And the impact of these relations on life is usually negative .
In a normal love relationship, each partner has their own space, their circle of acquaintances and Hobbies. Even if the couple has common friends and interests, still we all have our part of life that belongs only to him. And if there is a love addiction, the addict does not see his life outside the relationship with the object based on. it seems to him that with the parting his life will be finished.
Typically, addicted to love is fueled by low self-esteem. dependent person feels incomplete without the object of addiction. More than anything in the world, he is afraid to be rejected and stay alone, so he is ready to endure any attitude towards himself, if only the object of dependence remains close. The saying "beats - means loves" is the best suited to this occasion.
The problem is that such a relationship still can not help to feel full. Dependent relationships will never achieve inner integrity, they are destructive, not creative. Love addiction prevents personal growth because of a dependent person ceases to live my life.
Addicted to love narrows the world of man to a single point: the object of addiction. Dependent person is the victim. trying to do everything for the one whom he loves, lives only for his sake. But this victim is unlikely to be appreciated.
Often dependent relationships are emotionally saturated. (passionate jealousy is often mistaken for such a sign of love). But in reality this relationship is a dummy, there is no real trust and closeness in them.
The causes of emotional dependence on the partner, as well as manifestations of it, may be different. But in any case with love addiction must be fought. The first step to overcoming addiction is its awareness. It is necessary to take it for granted that no relationship should fill our whole life: there must always be room for one's own passions and aspirations.
Therefore, to be free from addiction you must first find the values and aspirations that make life worth living. But not enough to find them — you need to really begin to live for them, not only for the dependency object. To do this, you need to realize your own value - the value of yourself as an individual, and not a free application to another person.
You need to learn how to love yourself — just the way you are. This may be difficult, but if your partner really loves you (or at least nice to you) and not taking advantage of you because of your addiction, he can help you. He's also interested in the fact that your relations become harmonious and addicted to love was replaced by true love .
If partner assistance can not be expected, will have to break up with him, no matter how it was hard. You can not get rid of alcohol dependence, while continuing to drink; the same with emotional dependence on a person. A good help in the fight against dependence can be psychological training, which will help you gain self-confidence and begin personal growth.
And most importantly — don't give up on love. Once you are unlucky, but one day you will definitely experience a real feeling that will allow you to enjoy relationships without risk of dissolving in a partner and losing yourself.