If not all, then most people in this world want to love and be loved. But how do you know if your strong feelings are true love? After all, often what we take for love, in fact - love. Or worse -love affair.
Although it is sung in a song that "everything is simple and smooth in love"true love should cause a person mostly positive emotions. If feelings for a person cause discomfort and even pain, resembling a disease, then, most likely, this is not love, but love dependence.
Love dependence is a kind of psychological dependence (addiction). From the strong feelings experienced to a person, you can depend exactly the same as on alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, the Internet, gambling.The dependency object can be different, but the mechanism remains the same .
The thoughts of a person who suffers from a love affair are constantly focused on the object of his "love" (that is, in quotes, because love affair is not really love). Relationship dependencies determine almost the entire life of an addicted person: his emotional and physical condition, relationships with other people and work capacity.And the impact of these relations on life is usually negative .
In normal love relationships, each of the partners has their own personal space, their circle of acquaintances and hobbies. Even if a couple has common friends and interests, still everyone has his own part of life, which belongs only to him.And if there is a love affair, the dependent person does not see his life outside the relationship with the object of dependence. it seems to him that with the parting his life will be finished.
Usually, love dependence is fueled by low self-esteem.the dependent person feels incomplete without the object of dependence. More than anything in the world, he is afraid to be rejected and stay alone, so he is ready to endure any attitude towards himself, if only the object of dependence remains close. The saying "beats - means loves" is the best suited to this occasion.
The problem is that such relationships still do not help feel full.Dependent relationships will never achieve internal integrity, they are destructive, not creative. Love dependence hinders personal growth, because the dependent person ceases to live his life.
Love dependence narrows the human world to a single point: the object of dependence.The dependent person goes to the victims. trying to do everything for the one whom he loves, lives only for his sake. But this victim is unlikely to be appreciated.
Often dependent relationships are emotionally saturated. (passionate jealousy is often mistaken for such a sign of love). But in reality this relationship is a dummy, there is no real trust and closeness in them.
The reasons for emotional dependence on a partner, as well as its manifestations, can be different. But in any case, love affair must be fought.The first step to overcoming addiction is her awareness. It is necessary to take it for granted that no relationship should fill our whole life: there must always be room for one's own passions and aspirations.
Therefore, in order to get rid of dependence, it is first of all necessary to find values and aspirations for the sake of which it is worth living. But it is not enough to find them - you really need to start living for them, not just for the object of dependence.To do this, you need to realize your own value - the value of yourself as an individual, and not a free application to another person.
You need to learn how to love yourself - the way you are. It may not be easy, but if your partner really loves you (or at least treats you well) and does not use you because of your addiction, he can help you. He is also interested in making your relations harmonious, andlove dependence was replaced by true love .
If you do not have to wait for help from a partner, you will have to break with him, however hard it may be. You can not get rid of alcohol dependence, while continuing to drink; the same with emotional dependence on a person. A good help in the fight against dependence can be psychological training, which will help you gain self-confidence and begin personal growth.
And most importantly - do not be disappointed in love. Once you are unlucky, but one day you will definitely experience a real feeling that will allow you to enjoy relationships without risk of dissolving in a partner and losing yourself.