How to sort things out
Unfortunately, the perfect relationship. to create an idyll, there are very, very rare. Most often, this apparent idyll: partners are silent, not wanting to offend each other, but the negative is accumulated, which ultimately leads to rupture. So from time to time it is useful to sort things out but it should be done properly.
Probably many are familiar with the saying "lovers' tiffs are harmless". Psychologists believe that periodic quarrels are not only harm relations, but even have a positive effect. However, to fight you need to know how. Ideally, after a quarrel, both partners are not just reconciled, but also draw conclusions to prevent similar situations in the future. Therefore, you need to learn how to find out the relationship correctly.
The quarrel is always the victory of emotion over reason. But still you can't let emotions get the better of you. In the heat of a quarrel we are able to talk unpleasant things that we really do not think. So try to control your words and not say what you can regret later. If you really need to somehow throw out your emotions, it's better to break a cup or a plate.
Also during an argument it is impossible to get personal and hang on the partner labels, call it. Evaluate not the personality of a partner, but his actions. Say, instead of calling him mother, it's better to say: "I hate that your mother's opinion is always more important for you than mine" or something like that.
In General, to sort things out — not to insult. Even if the conversation is conducted in elevated tones, we must not forget that now you are talking with a loved one who does not deserve insults on your part. You can be angry with him at the moment, but do not stop to love him, do you? So do not bend the stick.
There are still a pair of "forbidden techniques", which in any case can not be used. if you want to sort things out properly. First, never use against a partner the information he shared with you openly, with trust. Second, remember that the fight is only between you two: no need to drag this over to other people to say bad things about relatives and friends of their partner.
To investigate the relationship need to constructively. Often, the clarification of the relationship develops according to the following scheme: they have lost their way - they did not draw any conclusions and once again stepped on the same rake. The clarification of relations is necessary not only and not so much to throw out the negative. It is very important to determine the cause of the quarrel and to resolve the conflict that has arisen.
To do this, not just to tell the partner that you are not happy, and offer the desired solutions to the problem. Discuss and decide what options will suit both of you. Be prepared for the fact that you have to compromise. in some way you will yield, somehow your partner will yield, and as a result you will stop on the variant most acceptable for both of you.
And even better, of course, never bring to this conflict. Most arguments happen because partners are afraid or not able to talk to each other that they don't like. They are silent, afraid to hurt the partner, but eventually the irritation builds up, and the scandal breaks. But do you really think that calm tone made the claim hurt a partner more than a scandal?
Another the rule of thumb showdown. it is never possible to find out the relationship in the environment of other people, acquaintances or strangers - it does not matter. Agree that you will not quarrel at a party, in public places, etc. Get home, and already there swear, how much your heart desires. By the way, perhaps by this time you will have time to cool down and be able to find out the relationship calmly. Also, do not quarrel in bed and in a state of intoxication - nothing constructive in such quarrels.
So, the two main rules of showdown not to be afraid to do it and keep yourself in hands. But even better to learn how to quietly discuss with partner all that worries you / does not suit, and then before the clarification of relations and debriefing the matter simply will not come. Remember, mutual understanding and mutual respect are the best friends of a strong relationship.