Why do I attract the wrong men and how to deal with it? Jung's theory and the advice of a psychoanalyst
Falling in love, each of us considers itself to be the happiest woman got the best man. Then why do we marry for love and live with despots, select true, and cry at night in a pillow from the endless betrayals, looking for help and support, but they turn into cart-horses? It's what we dreamed of all his romantic youth, and is this really how we imagined that the woman's happiness? Of course not! But everyone around here just shrug their shoulders and resignedly say: "C'est la vie! Man today is obmelchal and transferred! Rejoice, that though the hands do not dissolve! And anyway, I am glad that he is!" But not happily... "Very sad not to be loved, especially if that's what you deserve!" – we think. But we do deserve a loving, caring, loyal, noble men? Yes. Then why engage in the life of the aggressors, womanizers, cheaters, alcoholics or rapists?
The nature of the attraction of unworthy men
"Like attracts like!" – says one of the fundamental laws of the Universe and claims an undeniable regularity in psychology. All we fiercely and with the onslaught deny yourself require moving and reflection. Swiss psychologist Carl Jung defined that is incompatible with the awareness of yourself and personality unmatched quality, pushed deep into the unconscious shadow. That is the quality that we stubbornly do not want to recognize in ourselves (envy, cowardice, anger, selfishness, etc.), our subconscious is hiding in the "shadow" and we mistakenly believe that getting rid of shameful and hateful cargo. However, such deception playing a dangerous game, because of the unrecognized and rejected personal characteristics will require the implementation of, and in the external world comes to us through other people. Similarly, we are "mirrors" to our surroundings, accepting and reflecting the projection of their negative qualities, concerns, and desires. So we "choose" and we "choose" those people who are close to us in a deep inner essence.
The nearby "bad" man will indicate what negative qualities we drove to the "shadow". For example, a woman who does not want to admit their commercialism and considers money a fundamental male quality, has the highest chance to meet the man is extremely stingy and frugal. The other, taking their own sacrifice for the benefactor, sure to find to his head executioner, the Punisher, which always appear where there is a "victim". The underworld of our unconscious haunts us everywhere, and casts a "shadow" (negation of self, lack of self-love, complexes, fears), forcing the men to show all the attributes that we hate and strongly suppressed.
There is another law bringing challenges – the law of attracted opposites. It has the same consequences as the law of "similarity", but it is when we attach too much importance to their advantages and categorically condemn men that do not have the same qualities. However, nature is wise, she is always striving for harmony and balance. So for every smart woman there are narrow-minded man, to every a strong "woman" is a weak mattress, and for every hard-working bee – the drone-slacker. Partners with opposing values come to us as some spiritual teachers, designed to teach us to recognize you and for others right to be themselves. "Wicked" men of the teacher will change for the better or even disappear from our lives as soon as we learned they brought to the lesson.
Scenarios of development of relations based on
Resenting the man, which acts as an indicator and points to your internal systems and the contradictions you stronger strengthen his position in relation to you. There is a stereotypical scenarios on which the woman is supposed to fight in every way with the unenviable fate through a fierce war with the careless husband. But, maybe we should dig deeper and consciously look at the reasons that mirror projected onto the surface? "Where the bodies are buried" and what are the true motives of their appearance in the life of "worthy" women "unworthy" men?
Scenario 1. The man is a tyrant
The lesson carries the man's wandering hands, often indicates your inability to love yourself and allow yourself to be imperfect wife, woman, mistress, etc. You all feel guilty about it and repressing it, trying in every way to earn the mercy. And when a woman is the eternal victim, then the man turns into a tyrant, resulting in the performance of its own script, according to which the guilty must suffer a just punishment.
Take yourself the right to be right and become mistress of your own life. Recognizing their own weakness, you take responsibility for what is happening in the surrounding reality and not subconsciously looking for someone who will share your life in "right/wrong". So, no longer need pain that will force you to learn to respect themselves and to build boundaries.
Scenario 2. The man is a womanizer
Love man, protopsalti track, "left", subconsciously shows you your low self-esteem, and overwhelming uncertainty about their own femininity. You may think that this ugly-fat-silly, as you are unworthy of love, and will unconsciously push a loved one into the arms of beautiful women and talented youth. Provoking a man to love a crime, you deep down hope that he will rush to your feet and will convince and prove that the best. But can think it, even if you don't believe?!
Raise in his own eyes self esteem fell through the floor. Tidy your appearance and wardrobe, then visit courses for self-development and sign up for dancing, raise the female energy. Learn to love yourself and accept to be what God made you. Women with a strong feminine not change!
Scenario 3: a Man is an alcoholic
A man pours drinking alcohol is not so much their weakness, as your assertiveness and excessive force in the struggle with his addiction. The more you make an effort to expel the "green dragon" from your family, besprovodnye binges of her husband. In drunkenness, he demonstrates masculine strength of character that you deny it, but are cultivating. On your strength of pressure: "You're weak! Not a man! Alcoholic!" he responds with force men's obstinacy: "I Want and I drink! I'm a man! Decide!".
Loosen the grip, let that man prove in this way, who is the man, and for whom the power! I sincerely give him not peculiar to women the role of head of the family. Let him make the decisions, and you, as the wise woman, coordinate them in the right direction! And even if he did not immediately get "you", be patient! He will need time to trust you. Admit your woman's weakness, which is true power.
Scenario 4: Man is a loser
And suddenly, lazy and irresponsible men, as a rule, in his life attracted to women who are accustomed to dominate. Total control, leadership, criticism, training – the best assistants in the education of men who will never want to take responsibility and to solve the financial problems. Inner fear to have a partner whom you do not match, pushes you to the depreciation of the nearby men. Suddenly you see him. And the loser nobody will eat, so subconsciously you are afraid to let myself successful and worthy of the best women a man.
Get out of your own subconscious insecurities, irresponsibility, indecision. Acknowledge their right to be. But if you want a man with the opposite qualities, you first have to develop them. Otherwise, for any such merit fate shall award you a Prince with a white horse? Just like attracts like, and only a decent woman attracts a good man.
Scenario 5: a Married man
Married men who for some reason are not satisfied with their family situation, always cleverly isolated in the crowd "suitable" on parallel relations of women. Yeah, maybe he's just a womanizer, but for some reason he chose you, not the woman who's deliberately looking for man unfree. And no matter how you have demonstrated a blatant protest, not this, so the next "married" again and again will be knocking on your door. The reasons for this unhealthy "magnetism" can lie in the interior of insecurity or subconscious fear to develop long-term relations.
Talk with them frankly! Than you attractive unfree men? Experience or perhaps the fact that someone they already need, means – tested and approved for the role of a husband? Or, conversely, you do not need a care and responsibility on behalf of the "family" you prefer, and hopelessly married men? In any case, you have to first become free from installations, prohibiting to build a relationship with a free man.
These scenarios very much: the man is jealous, man is a manipulator, a man-child, male-friend, etc. the Causal relationships causing the development of the individual. And yet it is known that the roots of evil come from the rejection of their own feminine nature, from dislike to yourself or from the inability to reserve the right to make a mistake. We are launching a program of self-destruction when re-assume men's responsibilities and power energy. The man next to this "Hitler in a skirt" goes on a binge, spree or izhdivenstve. But even when the horizon appears the long-awaited "king", we run headlong, because they are afraid to admit that it is not able to meet such a perfect companion. It is difficult for us to accept their imperfection. There is only one: to recognize in themselves what are called "cockroaches", and to stop pointless waste of priceless energy. It should redirect in a constructive direction, using for the development of a harmonious personality, which is essential to a worthy woman. As you know, like will attract like!