Teens in crisis
Teens in crisis closes the series of crises in the child's development. It is the longest and often the most difficult for parents because the teenager is harder to control than one year old baby. three-year or first-grader.
Teens in crisis can begin at different ages. Although it is sometimes called “the crisis 14 years”, it does not necessarily begin when your child turns 14. Girls Teens in crisis is typically 11-16 years, boys – a little late, 12-18. The scope of adolescent crisis are individual for each child, therefore it is impossible to accurately predict its beginning and end.
Usually manifests later than Teens in crisis, the more rapidly it occurs. However, if your child is behaving perfectly during the whole of adolescence is an occasion to reflect. If the child is in adolescence crisis is not at all or appears very weak, this is not normal. Any crisis is a natural stage of child development. If the teenage crisis is not present, the child can grow up infantile.
Teens in crisis – a transitional stage between childhood and adulthood, so the desire for independence at this time is expressed particularly clearly. All his life the child was connected with parents, depended on them and obeyed them. Now he tries to cut off this connection in order to prove his adulthood. Unwillingness to break this connection from parents can lead to conflicts.
Adolescent crisis, among other factors, compounded by the puberty of the child. In addition to psychological mechanisms are physiological. As they say - "hormones rage". A teenager can become both unbalanced and impulsive, and apathetic and quickly tired. The changes that occur with the adolescent (both internal and external), the first not quite conscious sex drive - all this disturbs the child, makes him worry and can cause teenage complexes.
Teens in crisis is usually develops more rapidly than the other crises. The possibilities of a small child in terms of self-expression and self-affirmation are more limited - yes, he will be capricious, but at least - in your sight. A teenager may become confined to himself or vice versa - to clash with you openly, and in more severe cases, a teenage crisis can be accompanied by smoking, drinking alcohol, demonstrative leaving home or even attempting suicide.
Of course, not always manifestations of adolescence so critical, but increased conflict, mood swings, fatigue, depression, lies, unprovoked aggression. often accompanying a teenage crisis, can be a problem for parents.
Teens in crisis consists of three main stages. During precritical stage the child tries to give up old habits and shatter common stereotypes – yet timidly and cautiously. The climactic stage adolescent crisis occurs more rapidly, a teenager can “throw” anything, and his behavior is hard to predict. During this phase depends on the atmosphere in the family – the healthier it is, the less such “tricks”. During the post critical stage the child develops new vital values and a stable life position, he begins to build new relationships with people.
What to do if your child started adolescent crisis? How to behave in order to iron out conflicts and maintain good relationship with the child? In the first place please be patient. Of course, when your teenage child screams and rude, the first desire is to yell at him in response. But in this case the conflict will roll like a snowball, and it will be hard to stop it. A vicious circle - aggression leads exclusively to retaliatory aggression.
Try the “loosen the leash” on which you held your baby and provide him a reasonable independence. The teenager wants to be treated like an adult. Try to give it to him - consult the child on everyday matters, give him the opportunity to take part in the discussion of family problems.
If a teenager something is clamoring for – not forbid an ultimatum. Discuss these requirements. how absurd and insolent they might seem to you, and try to come to an agreement. Maybe this will not happen the first time, but even not very successful negotiations are better than another conflict with the slamming of the doors.
If the teenager something he wants to share with you – do not dismiss it, even if it seems to you funny. Losing the trust of the child, it is very difficult to find it again - adolescents often become isolated in themselves. Give advice to a teenager, but in no case do not demand his unconditional fulfillment - let him decide himself. It can fill a couple of cones, but it's even useful.
During the quarrels teenager can tell you the filth – up to “you should have let me birth”. It's frustrating and disappointing, but remember that in fact, the teenager doesn't think so. Try to treat such phrases as calmly as possible, do not remember their child after reconciliation and during the following conflicts.
Despite the appearance of “prickliness” and alienation during adolescent crisis you really need child. We need your support, your love, your understanding, your unobtrusive advice. In adolescence, the child tries on new social roles, tries himself in a new capacity. Do this and you - from the parent-hen, turn into a parent-adviser. Do not break the connection with the child - but change it according to the age of the child will have to.
The adolescent crisis is a difficult time for the child and for the parents, but its negative manifestations can and should be mitigated.